This Means War
by Original Katie Bell
Summary: A Marauder fic about getting people back and embarrasing concuiences for all in its path. When morning breaks the Marauders are woken by the moaning of one James Potter in his sleep, can you guess why? PLZ READ AND REVIEW! I want to know if you guys like
1. Chapter 1

This Means War

A/N Hey all you Harry Potter fanfic addicts you! Okay, so this story is my first Marauders fanfic that I think is over due. I've wanted to write one for ages but couldn't think up a plot- it was about a week ago that I thought of the idea. Livia and me were really pissed off at my brother and decided to get revenge, and that's where I got the idea! So this one goes out to you Livia and Mrs Clare Malfoy who is my best Harry-Potter-Freak-Friend: but i beat her in the obsession no-hands-down! Enjoy!

Chapter 1:

The sun was rising slowly over the forbidden forest, creeping slowly into the Gryffindor, seventh year boys' dormitory, a peaceful silence filling the room- or at least it was before the moaning of a boy called James Potter woke his best friends.

His best friends in the whole world, his fellow Gryffindors, his classmates, the Marauders. What ever you called them they were like a big family. There for each other when a tragedy happened, laugh with each other when they pranked a greasy git-like Slytherin whos' name shall not be mentioned (cough-Snape-cough), and to roll round on the floor in mirth when one of them embarrassed themselves.

"Lils..." groaned James as he rolled over in his bed, a look of pure ecstasy on his face "D- ahhh!" (A/N like a 'do that again' ahhh, not a 'screaming in pain' ahhh!.)

"What you say Prongs?..." Sirius said sleepily, raising his head from his pillow.

"Lil-" James panted as his breath caught in his throught and let out a scream of delight that woke the other sleeping Marauders.

"Where's the fire?" asked Remus Lupin in a dopey voice- although he was top of the class and usually very high-witted, his reactions were low at this time of the morning.

"FIRE!" yelled Peter (A/N STUPID FUCKING LITTLE DIP-SHIT! TURN JAMES AND LILY IN WHILE I'M AROUND? I DON'T THINK SO! -Sorry, I don't like him) trying to jump out of bed but with his feet caught in his sheets tumbled to the floor (A/N hehehe, serves you right you little... :mumble insane death threats under breath:.)

"There's no fire Wormie," said Sirius, a evil grin to rival those of Fred and George Weasley (A/N Yes I know that their not born yet- but still) spreading across his face "Jamsies' having another dream."

"Oh," said Remus joining in the banter, the same grin sneaking across his features "Well then, we wouldn't want him to miss out on such a dream would we Mr Black?"

"Why of courses no Mr Lupin, Mr Pettigrew?"

"I would never dream of it. To deprive his of such a dream you be inhumain, indeed?" replied Peter with as much dignity as he could muster, still trying in vain to disentangle himself from the mangled sheets.

"Indeed." chorused Remus and Sirius together dropping their elegant banter and returning to their usual trouble making selves.

"Dibs on Lily." smirked Sirius, dropping to his knees next to James' bed and placing his head on James' pillow.

Remus and Peter exchanged smirks as Sirius started to speak- moan more like it.

"James!" Sirius panted in an uncanny impression of Lilys' voice "Ahhhh!"

"LIL!" screeched James as he reached his climax, collapsing onto the bed in a mess of sticky-ness.

He woke and snapped his eyes open, only to see Sirius, Remus and Peter rolling around on the floor in mirth, tears of laughter rolling down their faces.

James immediately pulled his covers up to his chest, trying (and failing dismally) to hide his white lower-body and softening eriction.

"James," panted Sirius when he finally managed to get _some_ control over himself and sat up, whipping tears of glee from his face "So nice for you to join you in the conscious world."

Peter sniggered heartily at this before he saw James shoot daggers at him with his eyes. He squeaked, transformed the fastest he had ever before and ran for shelter in the outside corridor. Even James thru his pissed off state felt an unwilling jolt of pride as he watched his friend scurry into the hall.

"What." he spoke irritably putting the correct amount of cutting cold into his voice- but it didn't work.

James' attempt to act as though nothing had happened was even more hilarious (if you could imagine it) than his dreaming and caused Sirius and Remus to fall to the ground in a fit of laughter.

James stood, head held high and stalked into the bathroom, pausing at the door to say "You do realize this means war." before turning on his heal and slamming the door shut- his fellow Marauders laughter ringing in his ears.

A/N There it is, what did you think? Its really different from everything I've ever written but I thought it would be fun to write. Please tell me what you think, there's only one way I'll find out! R+R!


	2. Chapter 2

This Means War

A/N: Hey all you out there, how you doin'! Well this is the second chapter of This Means War, I hope you like it! I am writing heaps of other ones if you want to check them out including Cherry Lips and The Death Eaters Return. There all really different so its like a So Fresh CD, a mix of stuff. Ummm, just so you know A/N 2 is going to be me being all excited about WWE Wrestle Mania so you can skip it if you want to. Okay so, enjoy!

A/N 2: OMG! I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT WWE WRESTLE MAINA! I AM JUST SO- SO! YAY! OMG! GO RAY! JBL IS THE BIGGEST FAG I'VE EVER MET :okay, I haven't met him but he is the BIGGEST loser ever! He is just so- ARGH! Okay so, tune into WWE Wrestle Mania 22 in Brisbane, Australia and look in the very, very back row you will see people holding up pink Just Born Loser signs and yellow 619 signs- a girl and a guy with blonde hair, the girl is me! Yay! Sorry, but I've been unbearable at school and needed to get that over with. YAY!

Chapter 2:

James pressed his forehead to the cool, tiled wall and let the water wash over him, cleaning away all the mess.

"Why?" he groaned, softly banging his head against the wall- therefore not noticing the door opening and closing behind a certain golden haired Marauder.

"I sooo need to get them back..."

"I think that I might be of service- for Mr Black I mean."

James jumped, spun round and came face to face with a Messrs. Moony aka. Remus Lupin.

"Fuck, Moony! Don't do that!" James panted, clutching at his heart.

Remus just grinned at this comment before proceeding to say "Well, do you want my help or not?"

_Well,_ deliberated James as his heart rate slowed back to its normal pace and his eyebrows furrowed in thought. _Moony would be an excellent asset as to get Sirius back..._ James thought before his practical side of him kicked in.

"What do you get out of it?" James accused Remus.

"I thought that would be obvious," said Remus as if it was the easiest thing in the world to figure out "I don't necessarily want to be taking victim to vengeance here so I thought that the best way to avoid it would be to put myself at your services." he made a bow, never breaking eye contact.

It took James a few seconds to translate what Remus had said into terms he could understand before he broke the silence.

"Okay." said James, holding out his hand for Remus to shake "Deal?"

"Deal!" beamed Remus as they shook hands.

_Wow! James was easier to convince than I thought! He must _actually_ be maturing!_

_Ha! Moony is so gullible! Now, how to get him back..._

"So," said James breaking the silence once more "What's the plan?"

"Do you have the razor?"

"Yes, I do. Do you- WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!"

"Shut up, Moony! Do you want to wake up the whole castle! It's me!"

"Oh, 'kay- sorry."

After a lot of planning during the morning shower Remus and James had come up with a fool proof plan as to get Sirius back, therefore excluding Remus from the fierce vengeance of James- or so Remus thought.

James however still had that _little_ grudge against Remus from the morning events and was still out for revenge against the werewolf.

"Are you sure he's asleep?" James whispered in a hoarse voice, sending anxious look over at the form of his best friend.

Sirius let out a particularly loud snore and rolled over to face them in his sleep.

"Yep I'm sure." Grinned Remus in a equally hoarse voice "You ready?"

"Yep, lets rock this bitch!" smirked James as he crawled over to Sirius and applied liberal amounts of shaving cream to his beloved hair.

"You shave. I've got to wash my hands."

"'Kay." said Remus, doing that he thought was his part of the plan, while he was actually sealing his own fate. As he bent over James reached for his Invisibility Cloak and started slowly pulling it over himself, looking as if he was simply disappearing into nothingness.

One. Two. Three. Sirius already had a bald spot from Remus'... _styling_- for lack of a better word- by time James was completely hidden under the cloak and fired a spell that filled the whole room with a loud fog horn.

Sirius woke with a start and jumped up in his bed, knocking Remus down on his way.

Sirius took one look at the razor in Remus' hand and his own jumped to his hair, gingerly touching the bald spot.

His face turned to a glare of pure coldness and evil that showed off his dark background before he bellowed "WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE!"

Remus jumped to his feet and sprinted from the room. People stuck their heads out of their dormitories to see what was the commotion- but Remus just kept running, not looking back untill he reached the safety of the Hogwarts grounds.

A/N: Well there it is- I really hoped you liked it! I know it wasn't as funny as the previous chapter but I thought it turned out okay- but know one cares about what I think, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT! I started off a new one today, a Harry/Ron humor fic- ITS NOT A ROMANCE SO DON'T BE WORRIED!


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